A Vent of Sorts and Being One's "Self"

Hello Everyone,
Hope that your weekend has been a good one. Here, I am winding down and getting ready for the work week. Thankfully, it is just going to be 4 days because we are leaving for Worlds of Fun on Friday!! WhoooHooo.

Soo......

I need to vent. And run something by ya'll.

I've mentioned before that I have been a case worker for the past 5 years. New management moved into my department and I found myself in a not-so-good place where I was put in an awkward place and then had my position changed. That's a whole long story for another time. Anyway....one of the divisions is making the move to go paperless and so all applications, files and everything else is being scanned and entered into the computers. Eventually, the whole place will be on a computer system and you'll be able to find anything and everything from any part of the state on the computer. Needless to say, this has been a long, lengthy process. Right now, the office in my city is scanning and entering all this info, and I am helping with that. Its been ongoing since January and will likely wrap up around August until the next phase. 5 other workers were hired temporarily to do this work. I'm with them, although I am still a permanent worker and will go back upstairs to other duties when this is over.



So....in this job  there is a gal that is a couple of years older than me. I'll call her T. She seems like a nice gal but my first impression of her was that she was not all that intelligent. I had mentioned that I attended Barr Jr High School as a kid and she asked if I was there when she was cheerleader. Uh....I have NO IDEA....I would've been a 7th grader when she was in the 9th grade. Don't remember that from what, 30 years ago?? LOL.



So anyway....she and a couple of the others talk all day long.. I don't really do that, but it doesn't bother me that they do. It helps pass the time on a task that is often monotonous.

But.... I am being held to a higher standard than the rest of them are. I know that my every move and how much work I get done in a day, how many errors, etc is closely monitored. It really doesn't matter so much with the rest of them; they are temps and will be done in August. So....I have to be mindful of my behavior at work.

T. and I were getting ready to leave work on Thursday and out the clear blue, T. pipes up with "You know, I just can't see you married. You're so quiet".


HUH?????? She confirmed my thought that she wasn't too bright, because what does one (marriage) have to do with the other (being quiet)? There's no correlation at all. And also not smart for saying something so rude and stupid to me. I must say it caught me off guard when she said that.....I said "that's just work." And then I guess I felt like I needed to keep defending myself because then I said "actually every romantic relationship I've had has been with someone much more outgoing than I. We balance one another out".

Why did I feel that I had to even respond to her? And explain myself?



I told my 13 yo. that when I was home that evening and he said "Mom, you should totally smack her!" LOL. Too funny. And no, I wouldn't do that. :-)



So, went home and was kind of fuming, and I really did find that comment hurtful, but decided to just let it go and chalk it up to being stupid and everyone is entitled to one stupid move, right? The next day, we were friendly, idle chit-chat, etc. One of the other gals, J, has started coming into and working 3-8 (instead of her old schedule of 8-3) now that school is out and her son is home. She's the only one there after 5:00 now.  C. is another worker. She's my Mom's age and went to high school with her as well. C. and I are friends on facebook even.



....So, at 5:00 as T., C. and I were leaving, we said goodbye to J. and she said she didn't mind working by herself, it was nice and relaxing. T. says "Oh, I wouldn't like it at all" and I said, "I wouldn't mind" and then T. said "you don't talk to anybody anyway".



WTH????



She backpedaled a bit by giggling and adding "you've always got your iPod going". True. I use some of the 8 hour day to catch up on all of my podcasts. It helps keep me focused.



I was so afraid I was going to haul off and unleash some nastiness of my own, so I just went to my car.



I emailed C. later Friday night and asked if she had heard that and she said no. I told her what T. had said the day before too, and C. agreed that didn't make any sense. Then C. said that she thinks maybe its just some jealousy because I have the ability to sit down and get my work done, while the rest of them are chatting all day long...and have even been called on it by the supervisor. C is a friend of another woman who also found herself on the chopping block several  and so she brought up the politics of the office and how she knows I have to watch what I do, etc etc. And she suggested that maybe I explain that to T. and J..


Which is all fine, but I felt that C. kind of missed the point......why do I have to explain or defend myself for being who I am??? What gives T. the right to spout off crap like that? Like I said, I don't think she is the sharpest tool in the shed, but I sure wouldn't say that to her. How about if I asked her if she felt bad being the only non-degreed person  at work??.....I just wouldn't.



And as for saying that I don't talk to anybody, its just not true. I talk with most everyone there...I just don't do it all day all long. T. talks about what she had for lunch and her dog, and shows pics of her dog wearing a sweater, etc etc, ad naseum. All day long and then to each person who enters the room.

 That's not me. I'm definately reserved. I'm an introvert (An INFP for the Myers-Briggs folks out there!) And private. There aren't many folks at work who know that I was married and that man died many years ago. Everyone assumes that I am divorced. I don't necessarily feel compelled to tell everyone those details either. I eventually DO, once I get to know someone very well. But it is not something you're going to know about me 20 minutes after we meet. Does that make sense?

So, I am quiet. And think before I speak. And I am fine with that. It doesn't bother me if someone is quiet. Or loud. But even if I didn't speak one word, whats it to her???

And why do I have to feel that how I am is not GOOD ENOUGH? Again I feel as though I have to justify myself.I am an AWESOME listener (one reason I became a Social Worker). I'd give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. I'm loyal. I have  great attributes for being someone's wife. There are many reasons why I am NOT married right now, but being quiet is so not one of them.


So......am I being too sensitive about this? Tell me if I am, maybe I am just not seeing the forest for the trees. It just ticks me off that she thinks that its okay to say those things.


Okay....enough of that! Hope that YOU all  are having a great Sunday! And if you are still reading this, THANK YOU.