Feeling like this little fella here.....
Going to process/vent a bit.
I bought a beautiful Athleta dress on ebay (Gen gave me the idea). Its a Large (12-14, I believe). I thought that I could wear it by my birthday, in July. I tried it on tonight and well....I have a LONG ways to go. I thought maybe it was a 20 pounds from now dress, but I think it might be more.
I went looking for clothes to wear tonight as I have almost NOTHING for warmer weather. I'm kind of in between the plus sized section and the "regular" sizes. I'm in 16's, but looking to move down another size soon. But....... It really depends on who the designer is. I couldn't find anything that I liked or that fit me.
What is wrong with me??? Everything seems so old lady to me, or just doesn't fit/flatter me.
In the last 4 weeks, I've had some fairly major stressors. 1. I thought I was going to lose my job, but ended up taking a lesser position and a 10% paycut. I'm a single parent and I was feeling really stressed about providing for my family. I'm mulling a move to a bigger city and possibly returning to college for my Master's Degree. Stressing about applying to (and getting accepted) to grad school. And still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
2. I've had some major financial concerns and things are very very, VERY tight right now.
3. I had to go back following a mammogram and have another one, plus an ultrasound. Thank goodness it ended up to be minor (some enlarged lymph nodes), but still put me a little on edge.
I go in for my 3rd fill tomorrow. Last month, I went from 3.0 cc's to 4.5 in my band. After 12 days of Pbing every day, I went for an unfill of 1/2 cc. In those 12 days, I lost 5 pounds. In the 15 days since then, I've lost just 2. I've succumbed to my major sweet tooth WAY too much. Tomorrow I see the doc again and think I am probably ready for a TEENY TINY fill. But, I am way beyond embarassed that I am showing such a poor loss this time.
I get so angry with myelf when I realize I am reaching for something sweet or eating when I am NOT hungry. I know I am just 3 months out, but when will I reach a point where I stop reverting to old behaviors?
I know intellectually that I am not a total failure. I'll be 3 months out of surgery on April 19th, and I've lost about 37 pounds. That's respectable. I'm THISCLOSE to being in the 190's.
Last time (4 years ago) I lost a fair amount of weight and was here (at this same size), I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, became very discouraged by what I saw. It felt like I had SO FAR to go. I started eating that day and gained it all back, plus 10 more. I'm feeling like that tonight. DISCOURAGED. And yet I know I shouldn't be.
Did anyone go through this? How did you work your way through it?
Thanks for listening!
7 comments:
if you stop and gain you'll have even further to go. So don't quit now. You have made good progress. Maybe you could set a calorie cap for the day so you know when to stop eating. I have no off button. So I had to create one. If you know you have 1500 calories, your half way through your day and that candy bar is 210 calories and you want a decent dinner..it allows you to ask yourself if you want to waste calories on this when you could be having a huge dinner.
Don't get discouraged..Go to kohls and try on some vera wangs. There is a line of clothes there called simply vera, and they had some really cute size 16 pants that looked awesome on...Go over and give it a try.
Feel better soon..and don't quit.
hugs.
You know, on biggest loser they are always going on and on about how stress can play a major part in your weight loss, or UN-weight loss. So the fact that you have lost at all in the stressful time is a good thing.
I dont know when we stop reverting to our old habits. I guess when we replace them with good things and then those good things become our new habit?
I am in that weird place too where things are too big or too small.
Hi there!! I'm glad you posted this so we can all support you. Yes, I've been there.
You are not alone. I remember *all* of those feelings. It's *so* frustrating!!!
You are under a lot of stress. Of course you are going to revert to old behaviors. It's a comfort zone. The fact that you recognized it is the first step to stopping it.
What helped me was tracking my food. Try planning your meals and snacks ahead of time. Also...write it down before you eat it. I got really good out counting out serving sizes. (14 wheat thins in one serving) While I was counting it out..it made me stop and think if I really wanted it in the first place.
You can do it!
And 2 lbs. is no small number! It's still a loss. You are no failure my dear! Look at what you've done. 37 lbs. during a time of immense stress. Like Amy said, losing weight while stressed is next to impossible.
As far as clothes go...I have no advice. I'm ALWAYS in between sizes. Maybe a visit from the sisterhood fairy is in order. I hope someone sees this and can send you a few things.
(((Bug Hugs)))
Jen
I hope that at 3 months out I will be down 37, that's incredible. Hang in there and focus on your accomplishments. I always turn to food in stressful times, I'm wired that way, I don't know that I'll ever be able to stop that. But you have lots of support out here. Sending you good vibes!
I can feel for you wanting to eat sweets. I think it is the stress as it's been hitting me big time in the past few days too (the sweets I mean). I think you weightloss is fantastic. You'll get there. One step at a time. BTW, I went back to school when I was 45 and changed careers. I did have my DH supporting me at the time but ended up with a fantastic job. Good luck with all you choose.
Oh no you have so much going on! So sorry about all the stress you have right now.
About the dress - I feel responsible! I should have warned you about the Athleta sizes-- they run VERY SMALL, especially in dresses. So do NOT feel bad! I am at 185 and still wear an XL in some of their dresses! Meanwhile, I can fit into Old Navy M as you saw on my blog! Do NOT feel bad about not fitting into that L!!!! They run tiny!!!
If you think the dress will not work I am happy to buy it from you! Meanwhile you sound like you are at the size I was not too long ago, and I would be happy to send you some dresses and summer stuff. Just let me know.
As for eating sweets and not being perfect, it is totally normal. The best thing to do is tell yourself you can have some of whatever you want, just a small amount. Do not make it a "forbidden" food, because then you will just want it more and eat more when you get it.
Feel better & let me know if I can send you some stuff!
P.S. Thanks for the compliment on the necklace! I got it at J. Crew (on sale of course!).
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